My Vampire Balls!
by SpicyItalianRomano
Summary: He was chosen by God to help win a bet with the Devil.Now forced into not being able to ejaculate for the rest of the year or worlds end,Aleksander must deal with demans from the depths of hell trying to seduce him!And then theres that one vampire...
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to my second story! This is based off of an extremely funny manga called 'My Balls'. I suggest you read it! My story will be slightly different from the original manga. I got the idea for this story while reading said manga and couldn't help but think of Romania and Bulgaria. I love those two!**

**Aleksander Christova= Bulgaria Vladmir Popescu= Romania**

**I don't own Hetalia and if I did OH MAN! **

Chapter 1

Hello my name is Aleksander Christova. I am 21 years old…..…and still a virgin. Now you may be wondering what my sex life has to do with this story but you will soon see. It started with a bet. But this was no ordinary bet! It was a bet between God and the devil. Of all the people they chose to be in the center of this bet, I have no idea why they chose me. I didn't ever believe in gods before this! But they somehow picked me! Well, now I'm stuck in the center…

Aleksander stumbled down the road, tripping over his own feet. The cold January wind whipped at his face. Today had been hell for him. It started with waking up late which led to his professor yelling at him. His professor yelling at him led to him being held after class. Being held after class led to him being late for his job and his boss yelling at him. But worse of all, he was yelled at…in front of the girl he likes.

Elizabeta Hedervary was a strong beautiful Hungarian girl and a co-worker of Aleksander's. They both worked at a corner convenience store. She had been working there longer than him but even from the beginning she was kind to him. And word had it she was single!

Elizabeta had beautiful long brown hair that cascaded down to her back and over her plump chest. Her eyes were a lively dark forest green and her smile…..it was so cute! Aleksander wouldn't admit it but he never had a girlfriend before, but if he had, that girl would be somewhat like Eliza.

He stumbled again almost falling flat on his face. '_Why am I being so clumsy?' _He though as he recalled what happened after work. He had been stressed and decided to go to the local bar. BAD IDEA! Aleksander was a terrible drunk often doing things he would later regret. He sighed as he tried to navigate to his house.

"Man, I have to pee…." He whined, his drunken brain not fully functional. Aleksander then noticed a mass of trees perfect for his predicament. He stumbled over, getting his balance again, dropped his pants and the rest we know. Satisfied he happily sighed and rebuckled his pants and turned around to see….that he was lost.

Aleksander sobered a little at that very moment, enough to notice how it seemed the trees had surrounded him. He knew he hadn't traveled that far into the trees but now it seemed he had stumbled into a forest. Freaking out a little inside he tried to find an exit but the trees seemed to form a wall.

"This doesn't make any sense!" Aleksander was getting frustrated patting the hard bark and looking for an exit. "Of course it doesn't make sense!" he heard a slightly angry voice behind him. Aleksander turned and faced the biggest eyebrows he had ever seen. Of course a man was attached to the eyebrows but they were just so big his slightly intoxicated mind couldn't stop staring at them.

The man cleared his throat, wanting attention. "You are Aleksander Christova, right" he had an English accent. Aleksander slowly nodded. "Good. I am Arthur Kirkland, archangel of heaven. Now listen and pay close attention. God has made a bet with the devil saying that if you don't do one of the seven deadly sins for the rest of the year, earth will not be destroyed." He said as if everyday conversation.

Aleksander stayed silent for a minute before saying "You expect me to believe that! Man, I'm drunk but not that drunk" he laughed. Arthur raised one of his huge eyebrows. "You don't believe me? Then I guess you don't believe in God. Great, just great! You had to be an atheist. Listen to me Aleksander and listen well! God has been generous by only choosing one of the seven deadly sins of which you cannot do! And if you do, the earth will be destroyed! Do you understand that!" He was obviously getting irritated but quickly composed himself.

"Okay okay, I'll humor you. Now which of these deadly sins am I not allowed to do" Aleksander said with a sarcastic tone. Curse him and his dumb ass of a drunk self. He never acted like this sober. Arthur face-palmed. "Lust, that is the sin you are not allowed to commit. No ejaculating! For the rest of the year!" He heavily sighed.

"Sure sure! Can I go home now?" Aleksander was getting tired of this. "Yes yes, go back to your bloody home! But be careful and look out for servants of the devil." Arthur waved his hand and the trees split making and exit Aleksander was very happy to see. He quickly stumbled out, not because of drunkenness but because of all the damn tree roots. He softly curse the 'angel' under his breath, obviously Arthur had put them there to make a fool of him.

~~~~0~~0~~~~

After finally making it home, despite getting stopped by a police man checking if he was okay and later getting chased by the German Sheppard that lived down the street, Aleksander was ready to collapse. He was happy he had no classes tomorrow and work was later in the afternoon. He was going to sleep in so late!

Aleksander really just wanted to eat a little snack, take a shower and pass out. He was so exhausted and couldn't get what that weird eyebrow man had said out of his head. It bothered him as he ate. It bothered him as he showered. It bothered him as he got on his pajamas and by the time he was ready to lay down, he was absolutely fuming.

"What's with that guy! Who tells people they could destroy the world just by ejaculating! He was probably just some pervert or something" Aleksander walked over to the somehow open window about to close it when he realized, had he opened it? He never really opened windows due to the fact it was the 21st century and there was such thing as air conditioning.

"When did I open this?" he voiced hoping he would somehow get an answer. "You didn't. I did" Again with the voices popping up behind him! Aleksander turned to face not an irritating huge brows Englishman, but a boy his age.

The boy, eh hem, MAN was basically the same height as Aleksander. He stood smiling, an odd set of fang like teeth showing. His eyes were a dark, almost blood red. On his shaggy strawberry blonde hair sat a strange little hat of some sort. In all honesty, he was weird looking. That's the only way Aleksander's brain could describe him.

"Wait, why are you in my house! Get out!" Aleksander was really slow today, wasn't he? The man seemed to frown a little before smiling again. "Can't do that!" he sounded almost happy to be breaking and entering. Well. Most psychotics are!

The air seemed to grow chilly as the lights darkened. Aleksander gulped, still able to see pretty well. The other boy's eyes glowed in the dark. He smirked "I'm Vladmir Popescu! I was sent from hell to seduce you!" He said, his voice extremely creepy. Slowly, he stepped toward Aleksander, in a sort of predatory way. This was getting to creepy for Aleksander.

_SMACK!_ _CRASH! BANG!_

Aleksander turned the lights in the room back on. Vladmir laid on the floor clutching the forming bump on his head. "Ow! Why'd you hit me!" he whined. Aleksander picked up the phone "I'm calling the police" He said rather nonchalantly.

"N-no! You can do that!" Vladmir looked scared. "And why not?" Aleksander was already dialing. Within a second, Vladmir had Aleksander's wrist in his grasp, taking the phone from his fingers.

_CRASH! BANG!_

Once again, Vladmir was on the floor clutching another forming bump. "Y-you really need to stop doing that!" he whined.

"Whatever. Just get the hell out of my house." Aleksander crawled into his bed. He was too tired to give a damn right now. Vladmir huffed. "Hey! Listen to me! H-hey! Don't fall asleep! Think about my feelings!" he pouted. It was too late. Aleksander was fast asleep.

Guess all Vladmir could do was wait…..

"**I was sent from hell to seduce you!" perfect line in my opinion! And why did they send Vlad instead of some girl? Guess we'll find out later~**

**Please review if you want me to continue~!**


	2. Chapter 2

**First off, I would like to point out how fast I updated! A week later! –so proud of myself- So yeah I'm going to be trying to update every weekend. At least it's the weekend where I live in my corner of the world.**

**Thank you anyone who reviewed! I love reviews!**

Chapter 2

Aleksander woke up around 10:30am. He felt refreshed but a little dizzy. His head pounded with a minor hangover. That's another reason he never drank. Hangover hurt like hell! He was relatively happy except for the fact that he felt he forgot something. He stretched his arms above his head, trying to remember what had happened.

The usual sunlight that shined in his face was blocked by something. At first, Aleksander didn't mind it but eventually it started to bother him. He lazily opened his eyes to see piercing red eyes staring back at him. The distance between him and the eyes seemed so little and suffocating.

_Bang! Crash!_

Aleksander rubbed his knuckle. A familiar looking boy sat on the floor rubbing the third large bump on his head. "You really need to stop doing that!" The boy whined. That's when Aleksander remembered last night.

"W-WHAT THE HELL!" Aleksander shot up and glared at the boy, what was his name again? The boy just stuck out his tongue. "I could say the same thing" he pouted. "N-no! Get out of my house! You!" Aleksander growled.

"Awww! Did you forget my name already?" The boy seemed to pout even more. "Remember, I'm Vladmir. Sent from hell to seduce you. God made a bet with the devil. Humanity could be destroyed. Kind of a hard thing to forget!" Vladmir crossed his arms.

"S-so all that really happened last night" Aleksander slowly processed the information. "Wow…..that guy had huge eyebrows…." He couldn't help but mutter.

Vladmir gave him a weird look before bursting out laughing. "You must have met Arthur! Man, his eyebrows could make, like, 10 wigs! They huge! Ha!" he joked. "I've met him before! He has, like, a stick shoved up his arse!" he said in an accent, which he thought was hilarious.

Aleksander just stared. "A-aren't you suppose to be doing something?" he muttered. Vladmir wiped the tears that had collected in his eyes. "Oh yeah" he said before snapping his fingers. A shadow came from nowhere and surrounded Aleksander and held his down on the bed.

Vladmir stood, walked over and straddled Aleksander. "W-what the hell are you doing" Aleksander wiggled beneath him. "Aw! Did you forget that too! I'm here to seduce you! Oh my devil, humans are soooooo stupid!" Vladmir shook his head in disappointment. "W-why…" Aleksander hated to ask, he had forgotten that, too.

Vladmir facepalmed. "God and the devil made a bet. If God loses the bet, the world is destroyed. If the devil loses, Hell is destroyed. For the devil to win the bet, you have to cum. That's where I come in. I'm here to make you cum. Understand now?" he seemed slightly irritated.

Aleksander was still confused. "Then why did they send you?" the question was much harsher then he wanted it to be. Vladmir gasped and glared and pouted. "T-That's none of your business! Now I'm going to make you cum whether you like it or not!"

Vladmir moved back a little so he had access to the pants. Slowly, he pulled them down to reveal Aleksander's boxers. Vlad rubbed him through the cloth. Aleksander gasped.

"D-Don't touch me, you pervert!" he struggled against the shadow that was pinning him. Vladmir only laughed. "You like this~" he teased.

Vlad hooked his fingers under the waistband and pulled off the boxers. True be told, Aleksander was never touched in that way before, except maybe a few times by his own hand. His cock stood tall and proud.

What! It felt better when someone else did it too you!

Aleksander braced himself, waiting for the invading hand to grasp his cock. He waited…..and waited. Carefully, he opened the eyes he hadn't noticed he'd closed. Vlad sat staring at his cock, a huge blush on his face.

Aleksander felt awkward with those eyes on such a private place. "Um…" he started. Vladmir's stare broke and he blushed even more as he gazed up at Aleksander's face. "W-what" he was obviously embarrassed "Don't rush me!"

"Because we all know you're the one being rushed: Aleksander responded sarcastically. "H-hey! Shut up! Man, they have sent a succubus to do this." Vladmir grumbled under his breath.

He reached for Aleksander's cock. Again, Aleksander braced himself. Again, the hand didn't touch. Aleksander looked at Vlad to see the same blush.

"D-dammit, I can't do this!" Vladmir jumped off him and ran out of the room. The shadow constricting Aleksander disappeared. Aleksander sat up and felt confused but brushed it off.

"What the hell" he couldn't help but say.

Aleksander didn't know what to do. He had work in a few hours. He decided to walk today and get lunch before going.

Now all he needed to do was wait for it to go down….

**I'm going to have so much fun writing this story!**

**Please review!**

**And go check out Roro-Romania's art work. They are an amazing artist from DeviantArt who draws Romania. They even did a request for me! They drew me a picture of Romania in a bikini!**

**.com/gallery/#/d4rfsb1**

**So go send them love! I love them! Give them a llama if you have a DeviantArt account. And if you notice their signature it's a quote from the first chapter! I nearly spazzed when I saw it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I've caught a cold and it sucks! I also might be a little late updating next week because I have to do an overnight thing for school. We get to sleep outside in cardboard boxes! It's gonna be so cool!**

**I don't own Hetalia!**

Chapter 3

Aleksander sighed as he stood behind the counter, pushing the buttons of the cash register out of boredom. His mind was swarming with thoughts.

Where did Vlad run off too?

Why did he stop?

Was he really a demon?

'_I'm a vampire!' _Vladmir's annoying voice rang in his head and he grimaced. "Whats wrong Aleksander?" a voice said behind him.

Aleksander sighed, immediately recognizing the voice. "I'm just tired, Elizabeta. I woke up to something horrible in my house." Aleksander turned to face her.

Elizabeta had a worried look on her face, "Was it some sort of animal? Is it still there? I could help you get it out?" Leave it to Elizabeta to seem manlier than Aleksander. "No, no. It's ok. It ran away." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

Elizabeta still frowned. "Are you sure you're-" The bell ringing interrupted her. They both turned to the counter to see a slightly irritated customer.

"Y-YOU!" Aleksander recognized the strawberry blond immediately. The blond put on a confused face. "Me? I've never seen you before." He obviously tried not to smirk. Aleksander just glared and checked his out.

Vlad mumbled a thanks and went to the magazine rack. Aleksander followed him with his eyes before turning back to Elizabeta. Elizabeta glared at the blond. "I don't like him" she growled. Aleksander was surprised at her tone. "I don't know why but I really just hate him!" it looked like she was trying to kill Vlad with her eyes.

Aleksander squeezed the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. He slowly opened his eyes. Hungary's glare seemed to deepen and he turned to see the blond approach the desk. "Um, I need help finding something!" Vladmir pulled Romania into a corner, so Elizabeta couldn't see them.

"What the hell!" Aleksander yanked his arm from the grasp. Vlad turned to him, a huge grin on his face. "Bet you didn't know I know where you work! Get ready because I'm going to make work a living hell for you!" Vlad snapped his fingers and ran out the door.

Aleksander stared confused at the retreating blond. "What did he want? He better not have shoplifted anything or I swear I'll get my frying pan and-" A loud gasp interrupted her. Aleksander looked at her with a shocked face. "W-what! Is there something on me?" she quickly checked herself.

Aleksander blushed. S-She was….N-NAKED! Aleksander rubbed his eyes. She was still naked. He rubbed his eyes again, but she still remained naked.

"A-Aleksander, are you ok?" she pressed her forearm to his forehead, going onto her tippy-toes. Her breasts bounced in his face, and he blushed even darker. "Aleksander!" She caught him, thinking he was about to faint.

Elizabeta pulled Aleksander into a hug, his head resting on her chest. Aleksander gasped and pushed to get away. "E-Eliza! I-I'm f-fine!" he gasped.

"Aleksander, you're all red! Come here!" She started dragging him, by the arm to the back room. He let her pull him. He was getting quite hot down south.

They reached the door and Elizabeta shook the doorknob. "Damn, it's locked." She let go of his arm. "Where did I put the key" She rummaged around her shirt pocket. At least that was where her pocket should have been.

Aleksander went bright red and his member went at attention. Elizabeta rubbed her right nipple as she searched through her pocket. Aleksander couldn't take this anymore so he rushed into the men's bathroom.

Aleksander sat on the dirty floor until he had calmed down. Cautiously, he peeked his head out of the stall. A dark chuckle could he heard. Vlad stepped out of the dark corner.

"Like your job better? Or is it really a living hell now? I bet she looks great naked." He leaned against a sink. Vlad seemed so smug, like he accomplished something huge.

Aleksander just stared at him, a slight blush on his face. "Y-You know, I can see you naked too."

Vladmir's eyes went large. "W-WHAT!" He covered his nether regions. "Y-you shouldn't be able to see me n-naked! I-It should just be her!" he stuttered, getting quiet red in the face.

"No, I can clearly see your penis" Aleksander stated bluntly.

"Damnit! I messed up the spell!" Vladmir snapped his fingers before running out of the bathroom. Aleksander rubbed his eyes, wondering if the 'spell' had worn off. He cautiously stuck his head out the door.

Aleksander was met by the site of Elizabeta yelling at Vladmir as he once again retreated out of the store. Luckily, Elizabeta was dressed again. She noticed his head sticking out of the door,

"Oh! Aleksander! Are you ok?" Elizabeta rushed to him. "Y-yeah, I feel much better now." He scratched the back of his head. "That weird guy was here again! I really hate him!" her anger returned to her. "Y-Yeah he's really weird…." Aleksander had no idea what to say.

"Well at least he left. Are you sure you're ok?" Elizabeta still looked worried. "Yeah, I'm fine." He responded when in all reality he wasn't sure if he was.


	4. Chapter 4

**So I'm back! I had to do something for school so I couldn't update last week!**

**I don't own Hetalia!**

"Damnit! I was so close that time to!" Vladmir kicked some of the rocks on the ground. He had gotten embarrassed. Again. He had failed. Again. He was given this mission especially by his boss and if he failed it….

Vladmir was brought out of his thought as he bumped into someone. 'O-oh Sorry!" he quickly apologized. He tried to walk past the man but the man didn't move. There was a certain similarity to the man that was both calming and terrifying.

He looked up at the man's face and was shocked. It was Toris, his boss's personal assistant.  
>"T-Toris….?" Vladmir was unsure of what else to say. Toris just shook and had his usual worried face on.<p>

"I-Ivan isn't h-happy…" his voice shook. Vladmir paled at this. Ivan Bradinski was his boss and also one of the highest ranking demons in Hell. He and his sisters were terrifying and meriless. Luckily Vlad was a friend of Ivan's and was often on his good side despite how much he messes up. It was terrifying to be on his bad side.

"H-He says h-he's going to s-send someone t-to help y-you on your m-mission….." Toris continued.

"W-WHAT! B-But this is my mission! I need to do it myself!" Vladmir pleaded."This is the only way I-"

Toris interrupted him by grabbing his shoulders. "P-Please Vlad, j-just stop! Y-You can't avoid t-this!"

Vlad clenched his fists. "No! I can do this! I know I've messed up a lot but this…this is the only way! Tell Ivan to wait! I CAN do this!" he said before pushing past Toris. It was a rash move but it needed to be done. Time was running out…

~~0~~0~~

Aleksander wondered where Vladmir had gone. It had been a few day and the demon (VAMPIRE!) had not been seen. It wasn't like he had been missed. It just made Aleksander much more paranoid when walking home at night. It was now February and there were 12 months in the year. He was doing well so far…..

**I'm sorry. Super sucky chapter but it needed to be written. I also have a cold and I need my rest. Wow I sound so lazy! Sorry for no smut this time either…**

**Please review. It makes me feel awesome….**


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